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Feb. 19th, 2010 02:49 amI'm really stupid.
Let me talk about why I'm stupid. I get upset, usually over... idk, little things, stupid things. And then I feel like I want to tell someone. But then I tell myself "what the fuck why are you getting upset over this it is a REALLY STUPID thing to get upset over" and that goes one of two ways, I either think "you know yeah that is pretty stupid /gets over it" or "fuck off I'm still upsjet over it". Either way I won't telll anyone because I remember how I sometimes get bored with being the therapist (and you'd think I'd just say "hey guys I can't be your therapist/agony aunt" but I don't) so I think I don't want to inflict that on anyone else. So I don't. And then I get upset because I don't tell anyone. And then I somehow seem to expect people to be mind readers and to know when I'm upset and to ask me what's wrong. Which is stupid because it really isn't as if they can see me sat here crying.
So that's one way I'm stupid.
And I'll think "look just tell someone" but I don't and it turns into a really retarded vicious circle because I'm stupid and a hypocrite like that. And then I think "look at yourself getting upset over trivial shit when everyone else acutally HAS something to be upset over, everything you might be crying over you've just brought on yourself and nobody want sto listen to you baw because you're just as bad because you sure as hell don't want to listen to everyone else whine. So don't make someone else listen to you."
I'm really stupid. And I still don't want to talk to anyone evne though I do because I don't know how to get it across. I don't evne know what I want to get across.
So this is why I need to stop thinking because this is basically what happens to my head when I start to think too much. It goes around and around in circles, circles that get smaller and smaller until I'm like "fuck this" and just stop. Or you know, just cry more.
And then I get over it. I'm not sure that's good for me.
lmfao like right now, I feel better for pouring out all this... whatever it is. Random crap that I think just repeated itself. I even think maybe I should just delete this. But I don't know that'd be good for me either.
Ah, well, sorry for this splurge all across your flist. Probably in another ten years I'll have another splurge, idk.
Let me talk about why I'm stupid. I get upset, usually over... idk, little things, stupid things. And then I feel like I want to tell someone. But then I tell myself "what the fuck why are you getting upset over this it is a REALLY STUPID thing to get upset over" and that goes one of two ways, I either think "you know yeah that is pretty stupid /gets over it" or "fuck off I'm still upsjet over it". Either way I won't telll anyone because I remember how I sometimes get bored with being the therapist (and you'd think I'd just say "hey guys I can't be your therapist/agony aunt" but I don't) so I think I don't want to inflict that on anyone else. So I don't. And then I get upset because I don't tell anyone. And then I somehow seem to expect people to be mind readers and to know when I'm upset and to ask me what's wrong. Which is stupid because it really isn't as if they can see me sat here crying.
So that's one way I'm stupid.
And I'll think "look just tell someone" but I don't and it turns into a really retarded vicious circle because I'm stupid and a hypocrite like that. And then I think "look at yourself getting upset over trivial shit when everyone else acutally HAS something to be upset over, everything you might be crying over you've just brought on yourself and nobody want sto listen to you baw because you're just as bad because you sure as hell don't want to listen to everyone else whine. So don't make someone else listen to you."
I'm really stupid. And I still don't want to talk to anyone evne though I do because I don't know how to get it across. I don't evne know what I want to get across.
So this is why I need to stop thinking because this is basically what happens to my head when I start to think too much. It goes around and around in circles, circles that get smaller and smaller until I'm like "fuck this" and just stop. Or you know, just cry more.
And then I get over it. I'm not sure that's good for me.
lmfao like right now, I feel better for pouring out all this... whatever it is. Random crap that I think just repeated itself. I even think maybe I should just delete this. But I don't know that'd be good for me either.
Ah, well, sorry for this splurge all across your flist. Probably in another ten years I'll have another splurge, idk.